The voice that was once a roar, the confession that shook the hearts of thousands is now but a fading murmur enshrouded by noises of distractions. I look off into the distance, straining to see a figure of one that I knew, but all that is visible is the grey of a back, slipping further and further away into the black of night. And oddly, I feel such a connection, a sorrow for the unknown identity behind the retreating body.
I catch sight of its back and know it is you.
You stagger to the left and to the right. Your hands fumble to find balance as you attempt to maneuver unknown paths. And even though there was only a glimmer of resemblance in the walk, I could see beyond the drunkenness. It’s a walk that once accompanied my stride, many times even outpacing mine after all.
The pigment of life that once distinguished you as the Northern Star has been replaced by the shadows of surrender. Your shoulders have taken the beating of reality and they bear the weight of defeat. A heavy mist has descended upon your paths and your eyes are victims of deception. And yet your feet chant without remission, “you are going in the right direction.”
But then I wonder why it is that I can hear your heart yelling to turn around. Tell me why I feel your spirit aching to reject the past and to scream in rebellion to the direction of your ways. Each step you take is like an explosion in the silence of solitude, shaking the walls of your conscience and causing my heart to tremble. Every step is forced through a thousand no’s and made without a single yes.
How am I to allow such a desperate plea to walk away from me when it feels like a part of me is dying? No, I will follow you. Your actions, your choices, and everything else tells me to stay away, but you leave for me a trail of tears for me to follow. I look intently at the ground, not hoping to miss any clue you’ve left me, and I soon recognize your tears spell out the words I’m sorry over and over again.
As I walk along this stream of regret, I see in your tears a collage of memories. Images of your radiant smile, stories of limitless dreams, and moments shared in simple enjoyment of each other.
I remember how your eyes lit up at the sign of opportunity and your hands tightened at the sound of a challenge. I can feel the peace in your heart as you look out in the horizon and breathe in the morning air. I can hear the humming of your spirit as you sing to the melodies of hope and serenity.
As each of these memories begin to take residence in my heart, a momentum begins to build in me. Something begins to flicker in the recess of my subconscious. It starts off as a desire, a hope, but quickly transforms into an angst likened to rage.
Without notice, my legs begin to walk faster and faster rallying my mind to pursue what is now a fading memory. It’s shifty and without form like a flickering wick that could vanish at any moment. It invades me like a gushing waterfall causing my heart to swell bigger and bigger.
Sweat trickles down my face and my eyes are lit with a blaze that could light up the heavens. My hands shake as vengeance and love bleed into my veins. I can feel a force building up in me, so dense and so powerful. I can feel it testing the borders of my understanding, my courage, and my trust. It demands that I choose love over reality.
For a brief moment time honors the gravity of my decision, becoming an audience to the climax of my thoughts. And in the culmination of my spirit, mind, and heart, the sound of a battle cry is unleashed from the sanctuary of loyalty. It is fierce like a lion but soft like a father. It carries the hurt of a wounded heart, the hope of redemption, and the anger of an assaulted man.
I lunge forward in a flashing light. The same light that invaded every crevice of my being, illuminating every shadow of a doubt has now become my guiding light. It is a light that chases after you, a light determined to redirect your ways.
As I run blindly towards you, the unknown racing by me, and a life without you abandoned behind me, only one thought fills my mind.
However far you’ve strayed away from my heart or pushed me away from your affection, no distance will extinguish the bond of our love. No matter how deeply your past has enveloped you or how strongly darkness has gotten a grip of you, I will find you. You can throw your faults, your mistakes, and all of your blackened wrongs at me but as long as I can recognize your hands, your tear filled eyes, or the sincerity of your voice I wont stop.
Run to the ends of the earth and I will follow you. Make your home in the depths of sorrow and I will cry with you. Try to inflict yourself with the guilt of your folly and I will absorb those swords.
Can you hear me? I’m coming for you.